In this article Sadhguru delves deep into the concept of selfishness and why we need to redefine its role in our lives. By understanding the importance of prioritizing ourselves, we can pave the way for healthier relationships, greater fulfilment, and a more meaningful life.
Article | July 22, 2001
Selfishness is a term often laden with negative connotations, conjuring up images of greed, isolation, and self-centeredness. In our collective moral framework, we are often taught that selflessness is the highest virtue, while selfishness is a vice to be avoided at all costs. However, the reality of human existence is far more nuanced. Selfishness, when understood more broadly and insightfully, can be a tool for personal fulfilment, growth, and, paradoxically, for contributing to the well-being of others.
Being too "stingy" with selfishness can stifle personal growth and lead to burnout, frustration, and even resentment. Let's explore the reasons why you should stop being stingy with your selfishness and how embracing it can unlock your full potential as both an individual and a contributor to society.
When you stop being stingy with your selfishness, you unlock the freedom to be your truest self.
1. The Misunderstanding of Selfishness
1.1 The Cultural Narrative of Selflessness
From a young age, most of us are conditioned to believe that putting others first is the hallmark of a good person. Religions, social norms, and family structures often promote selflessness as the ideal moral framework. Whether it is through religious teachings about sacrifice or the cultural veneration of martyrdom, selflessness is elevated to a pedestal. Selfishness, on the other hand, is seen as morally bankrupt, leading to the stereotype of the self-serving individual who cares for no one but themselves.
This dichotomy between selflessness and selfishness is not only simplistic but also misleading. Human beings are complex, with a wide spectrum of needs, desires, and responsibilities that cannot be satisfied by adhering to rigid moral dichotomies. The idea that selflessness is the ultimate virtue ignores a fundamental aspect of human nature: the necessity of self-preservation, self-fulfilment, and self-realization.
Being selfish doesn’t mean you care less about others; it means you care enough about yourself to show up fully for them.
1.2 Selfishness: A New Perspective
What if selfishness wasn't the vice we've been led to believe it is? In reality, selfishness—when approached with mindfulness and self-awareness—can be a path to greater authenticity, happiness, and balance in our lives. It can help us establish healthy boundaries, take care of our mental and physical well-being, and ensure that we are emotionally and spiritually equipped to contribute to the world in meaningful ways.
Selfishness, in its truest sense, is not about hoarding resources or disregarding the needs of others. It’s about acknowledging our own needs and desires and recognizing that we are entitled to pursue happiness, growth, and fulfilment. Only by filling our cups can we overflow into others’ lives without feeling depleted or resentful.
2. The Importance of Self-Prioritization
2.1 Understanding Self-Care and Personal Well-Being
The modern world is demanding. Between career pressures, family obligations, societal expectations, and the ever-present digital noise, it’s easy to lose sight of our own needs. Many people wear busyness as a badge of honour, believing that constant sacrifice for others is a marker of worth. Yet, neglecting our own well-being is a surefire way to suffer burnout, anxiety, and even physical illness.
Self-care is often framed as indulgent or unnecessary, but in truth, it is essential. Taking care of oneself physically, mentally, and emotionally is not a luxury but a requirement for living a fulfilled and sustainable life. When we fail to prioritize ourselves, we quickly lose the energy, motivation, and clarity necessary to succeed in other areas of life.
Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. Without it, you sacrifice your well-being for the illusion of selflessness.
When we adopt a mindset of healthy selfishness, we recognize that tending to our well-being is not only permissible but essential. This could mean taking time to rest when needed, seeking out activities that bring us joy, or saying no to commitments that drain us. Self-prioritization allows us to replenish our energy and bring a better version of ourselves to our relationships, work, and communities.
2.2 The Relationship Between Selfishness and Boundaries
One of the most valuable lessons in personal growth is understanding the necessity of boundaries. Boundaries are essential for protecting our time, energy, and emotional resources. However, many of us struggle with setting boundaries because we fear being perceived as selfish. We may worry about disappointing others or causing friction in relationships.
True fulfilment begins the moment you stop feeling guilty for putting yourself first.
In reality, setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and ultimately benefits everyone involved. By being clear about our limits and needs, we communicate honestly with others and prevent situations that lead to resentment or depletion. When we are stingy with selfishness—when we fail to establish and maintain boundaries—we sacrifice our mental and emotional well-being, which can strain our relationships and make us less effective in our roles.
Embracing a healthy sense of selfishness empowers us to say no when necessary, to protect our time and energy, and to maintain mutually supportive relationships. In doing so, we create a life that feels balanced, sustainable, and fulfilling.
3. Selfishness as a Path to Authenticity
3.1 Understanding the True Self
At its core, the practice of healthy selfishness is about honouring our authentic selves. In the hustle and bustle of life, it is easy to get swept up in the expectations and demands of others. We may lose sight of our passions, desires, and dreams, instead conforming to societal standards or the wishes of family and friends.
However, living authentically means recognizing and embracing who we truly are. It means acknowledging our values, desires, and goals, and taking active steps to honour them. When we are stingy with our selfishness, we deny ourselves the opportunity to explore our true selves. We may end up living a life that feels empty or unfulfilled because we are too focused on pleasing others or adhering to societal norms.
Healthy selfishness isn’t greed—it’s the fuel for creativity, growth, and deeper connections.
By allowing ourselves to be more selfish, we can rediscover who we are at our core. This might involve taking risks, pursuing new interests, or stepping away from obligations that no longer serve us. In doing so, we cultivate a life that is aligned with our true selves and experiences a deeper sense of fulfilment and purpose.
3.2 The Role of Selfishness in Personal Growth
Personal growth requires a willingness to focus on oneself and invest in one’s own development. Whether it’s learning new skills, pursuing higher education, or dedicating time to self-reflection, growth demands that we be selfish with our time and energy.
Often, people hesitate to invest in their personal growth because they feel guilty about diverting time away from family, work, or other responsibilities. However, personal development is not an indulgence; it is a necessary step toward becoming the best version of ourselves. By investing in our growth, we become more capable, resilient, and confident, which benefits not only ourselves but also those around us.
Only when you honour your own needs can you give authentically to the world around you.
In this sense, selfishness is an essential part of personal evolution. When we stop being stingy with our selfishness, we give ourselves permission to grow, learn, and evolve in ways that enhance every aspect of our lives.
4. How Selfishness Enhances Relationships
4.1 The Myth of Self-Sacrifice in Relationships
One of the most pervasive myths in relationships is that love requires constant self-sacrifice. While compromise is a natural part of any healthy relationship, excessive self-sacrifice often leads to resentment and emotional depletion. When we constantly put the needs of our partner, family, or friends above our own, we create an imbalance that can harm both ourselves and the relationship.
Healthy relationships thrive when both parties feel seen, heard, and valued. This requires a balance between giving and receiving, and the ability to prioritize one’s own needs alongside the needs of others. When we are too stingy with our selfishness, we risk losing ourselves in the process of trying to please others.
You can’t pour from an empty cup; fill yourself first, and watch your life overflow.
By embracing a healthy form of selfishness, we bring our full selves into relationships. We communicate our needs, establish boundaries, and ensure that we are both giving and receiving in a balanced way. This allows relationships to flourish, as both individuals feel supported, respected, and fulfilled.
4.2 How Selfishness Leads to More Honest Communication
Another benefit of embracing selfishness is that it encourages more honest and open communication in relationships. When we are afraid to be selfish, we may suppress our true feelings or avoid difficult conversations for fear of upsetting others. Over time, this can lead to frustration, resentment, and even the breakdown of the relationship.
On the other hand, when we prioritize our own needs and desires, we are more likely to communicate openly and honestly. We are not afraid to express our boundaries or ask for what we need because we recognize the importance of honouring ourselves. This leads to more authentic and transparent relationships, where both parties feel comfortable expressing their true selves.
5. The Link Between Selfishness and Creativity
5.1 Selfishness as a Catalyst for Creativity
Creativity thrives when we allow ourselves the space and freedom to explore new ideas and experiences. However, creativity often requires solitude, time, and energy—resources that can be difficult to prioritize when we are overly focused on the needs of others.
By being more selfish with our time and energy, we create the necessary space for creativity to flourish. Whether it’s setting aside time for a creative hobby, exploring new interests, or simply allowing ourselves to daydream, selfishness gives us the freedom to pursue our creative passions. This, in turn, leads to greater fulfilment and a sense of accomplishment, as we can express ourselves in new and meaningful ways.
5.2 The Role of Selfishness in Innovation
Innovation requires the courage to think outside the box, challenge the status quo, and take risks. However, in a world that values conformity and selflessness, it can be difficult to carve out the space needed for true innovation.
When we embrace selfishness, we give ourselves permission to think differently and pursue our ideas, even if they go against the grain. We are not afraid to prioritize our vision and take bold steps toward realizing it. This mindset not only fosters creativity but also leads to groundbreaking innovations that can have a positive impact on the world.
6. The Spiritual Dimension of Selfishness
6.1 Selfishness as a Path to Spiritual Growth
In many spiritual traditions, the path to enlightenment involves a deep inward journey of self-discovery. This journey requires time, introspection, and the willingness to focus on one’s own spiritual development. In this sense, selfishness is not only necessary but essential for spiritual growth.
By dedicating time to meditation, self-reflection, and spiritual practice, we cultivate a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the universe. This, in turn, allows us to connect more fully with others and contribute to the world in a meaningful way.
6.2 The Paradox of Selfishness and Altruism
One of the most profound insights in spiritual teachings is the paradoxical relationship between selfishness and altruism. When we take care of ourselves—when we prioritize our well-being, growth, and fulfilment—we become more capable of serving others. By filling our cups, we have more to give to those around us.
In this way, selfishness and altruism are not mutually exclusive but interconnected. By embracing selfishness, we become more effective in our roles as friends, partners, parents, and community members. We can give from a place of abundance rather than depletion, leading to more meaningful and sustainable acts of service.
7. Embracing Healthy Selfishness
The idea that selfishness is inherently bad is a myth that has been perpetuated by cultural norms, religious teachings, and societal expectations. In reality, selfishness—when approached mindfully and with self-awareness—can be a powerful tool for personal growth, fulfilment, and contribution to the world.
By stopping the practice of being stingy with our selfishness, we open the door to a more authentic, balanced, and fulfilling life. We learn to prioritize our own needs, establish healthy boundaries, and invest in our personal growth. In doing so, we become more effective in our relationships, our careers, and our spiritual journeys.
Ultimately, embracing healthy selfishness allows us to live more fully, love more deeply, and contribute more meaningfully to the world around us. It is not an act of greed but an act of self-respect and self-realization—one that leads to a life of greater joy, purpose, and connection.
